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Real Not Perfect- Fire the Customer Service Rep

Story time

I had a friend who crushed over this guy for a whole year

He lived near her so she played the friend role

She cooked for him

Checked on him

Did everything that a girlfriend would do without the physical part.

And after a year

It finally happened

They finally connected

In the midst of an intoxicated releasing session

they met in a sacred space of healing and made love.

And it was everything she wanted

And she was floating on cloud nine

And as she was telling me about their rendezvous the next day

I asked

“So what did he say today?”

“Oh i haven’t contacted him”

I was stunned and confused

“But why?”

“Oh I am going to wait on him to contact me.

I don’t want to scare him off.”

...

Huh?

….

In the midst of feelings and sex and all the good things that she felt happened to her last night…

I mean granted

They should have already established roles and boundaries prior to this spiraling dive into these murky, emotionally tinged waters of making love

But since they did not have this clarity before hand

Clarity is definitely required now

I mean are you now an item

Is it merely physical

Will there be relationship moves after this

Or was it just a simple mistake

Clarity is needed

When you have clarity it means you are clear

You are clear about what this shift in the relationship means

You are clear about what is expected or not expected between you

You can rest easy with your emotions because you know what is going on

Now of course it is never that easy but clarity takes a lot of the guesswork out of love

And even if the answer is that it was a passing thing and may not ever happen again

At least she would know

And if getting simple clarity from someone you shared your essential soul with

Might chase them away

Then do you really want to hold space with someone who might run away if they encounter the real you

Walking on eggshells so that they will like you (or the fake you) enough to stay

Really?

I tend to hear this often

You are going to scare that man away

I don’t really pay any mind to it

Because it doesn’t make sense to me

I know that when most people meet someone that they are interested in

They shift into this wonderfully agreeable person

They put on their best behavior right

We allow ourselves to become the Customer Service Representative of their true self

Because see the CS Rep is more agreeable

Following these strict rules

Like

The customer is always right

We must make them happy

We must entertain them

We have to make them want to come back

Laugh at all their jokes

Act like you like that shit that you really can’t stand

Don't ask for too much too soon

Don’t get mad

Don’t disagree

Don’t tell them too much

But why

This is the most tiring dance ever and it often doesn’t work

Most CS Reps can’t wait to take their work face off when they get home

No one can keep up the CS Rep persona without eventually

Growing weary of it

Becoming resentful of it

And eventually the normal niceties go away

And you are now stuck with the real you and so is he

So why do we start with this CS Rep instead of our real selves

We will eventually have to take the name tag off

And just be us

It makes more sense to me

Especially now that I am single

Hear me out

If who i am scares them

Then they are not for me

And for me it saves me time

people invest their time, energy and emotions into relationships

I don’t have any of that to waste

I have no time for that pretty stuff

I would rather know your fears and worries

Than your favorite color

I would rather know why you and your ex split up and what lessons you learned

Rather than your favorite team

Especially if it was your fault

I would rather see your ragged soul and know that my demons will play well with your demons

Because we all have demons

Which is why

I often choose not to lead with my representative

To me it is a waste of time

I am moody

I am damaged

I am a smart ass

But knowing that and knowing if the other person can handle that is hell 50% of the battle

And I encourage the other person to be real with me too

So that we can see if we both can vibe when our vibrations are low

if both people come together

with their flaws in their hands

And the accountability to work on them And both people be

Open and receptive so that

A real choice can be made to love you as you are… or not

We all have drama

We all have baggage

Compatibility comes when you find someone whose baggage doesn’t clash with yours

Given this clarity you can make better decisions about what

what you will take and what you can’t

And maybe just maybe

have a shot at something that is real

and isn't this what love is supposed to be

real



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