How did I get here? This can not be my life - it wasn't supposed to be this way.... I went on to myself. But there was not denying it. That life that I thought I had... the love that I thought was mine.... it no longer existed.
Most of us have been there. That moment when the pain is so strong that we are no longer sure how we are going to make it through.
I had children. I could not just fall and allow them to flail in the damage of my broken heart. I had to keep moving.
I do not believe in accidents, only in lessons and blessings. I knew I had to get myself together and heal but I didn't know how. So I would continue get up every day, slap on a happy face for my children and face the day.
So how to move forward? I do believe that music is the elixir that can heal and mend. I have always been a believer in the Law of Attraction, however, I wasn't quiet as knowledgeable about vibration and shifting as I am now. So, instead of picking music to shift the mood, I picked music that fit my mood. So I would put my children to bed and sip my margarita with a shot of "Foolish" by Ashanti and even worse "Love the way you lie" by Rihanna and Eminem which was a direct reflection of the relationship that I had left.
bitter
violent
toxic
I was struggling.
My father often said that God takes care of babies and fools. Whether The Creator was taking care of my babies or reaching out for foolish me, a magical thing happened,
I rarely listen to the radio but one Saturday to motivate my teenager to clean I put it on. Almost as if he were waiting for me, the DJ offered up a rare gem from 2000 "Slowly Surely" by Jill Scott. I had love Jill when I lived in St. Louis. I had even went to see her live at the Fox Theater. However that song in particular never really resonated with me, that is until now. I turned it up and continued cleaning with my daughter. I allowed the lyrics to wash over me.
Slowly Surely, I walk away from
That old desperate and tainted love Caught up in the maze of love, the crazy craze of love Thought it was good Thought it was real Thought it was But it wasn't love
It was at that moment that is occurred to me that yes, I loved this man but no this wasn't love and the only way to move forward was slowly.... I had never been so clear about anything up until that moment. And then it hit me, this song is a long soulful affirmation for someone ready to move on and heal.
I just don't know where I should go So, slowly, surely I walk away from self-serving, undeserving, constantly hurting me love Deserting me love You said I said We said, but
YES! This was what I needed. Because I didn't know where I was going, or what I was going to do, I just knew that I needed to survive. This song gave me courage to just keep moving forward and allow the creator to map it for me,
Slowly, surely I walk away from Confusing love, misusing love, abusing love This can't be Slowly, surely I walk away from Self-serving, undeserving Constantly hurting me love
It was almost as if Jill had seen my life and put the answers to music... What I now know is that acknowledging the hurt, the sadness, the pain is important. However, we can not dwell there in that space. The universe will send us exactly the vibration that we are sending out. If you are stuck in your feelings you will bring about more of THAT feeling. Simply put hurt brings more hurt, depression brings more depression - it is by learning to shift from what you are feeling to acknowledging what you want to feel that you break the cycle.
Slowly surely one step at a time, but surely I will pass the old love aside and love me
I had been mentally and physically abused and so my climb back to confidence was long and treacherous. I began to use "Slowly Surely" like medicine when those voices screamed that I wasn't good enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not worth anything, feeling like a burden and lastly feeling useless. I marinated on this song so much that my children knew it by heart. But it helped me switch the vibration from what I was feeling to what I wanted to feel which was safe.
We all have those moments in time that we wish never happened or felt like they were going to last forever. The pain that we get from a broken heart is unlike any pain you will ever experience. But at the end of the day - when old loves are gone - there is still you.
I am hoping you take this energy shift and love you... There is no one in the universe like you and if anyone makes you feel unloved and undervalued - YOU can choose to love you enough to move on... You are more than enough.
Please note, if you are a victim of domestic or intimate partner violence, please consider talking to someone. The number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-700-7233 or you can visit the website at https://www.thehotline.org/ . I am wishing you love.