When I was 11, on a school night, my father came to me and asked me to get my mother something that she could wear.
When I asked what he said, “Something she could slip over her head.”
I obeyed but my mother being the diva that she was took one look at this simple dress and said no.
She proceeded to get up, shower, put on makeup, put on her best wig and don her prettiest dress with the matching shoes. I always loved her in that dress.
I could tell my father was a little agitated but I didn’t understand why.
He asked me if I wanted to go -
Me having never been left at home alone before was ecstatic! No - I will stay here.
He did not return until morning.
Without my mother
What I didn’t get is that they were going to the emergency room. She died on December 20th right before Christmas. I would like to say that it was tough but her actual death was not hard to deal with largely because I was numb to the whole experience. Imagine watching a movie and the sound goes out. You see the pictures moving, you see people crying, you even notice that a character is missing but everything else is kind of a blur.
As an adult, I do not really get into the celebrations, the decorations, or the whole theme of Christmas. It has just not been that important to me. I am sure that my mother’s death has a huge impact on my lack of enthusiasm for the yuletide but my story is just one of many.
It isn’t special.
There are people who go through horrific, sad, terrible, and even traumatic occurrences during the holidays, which leave them forever marred.
For me, it was tedious to have to tell people that I was not really all into the holidays. So I would rather omit the truth and allow them to perceive whatever they would about me. I will admit, seeing people with their families doing the whole Christmas thing was depressing and sometimes still is depressing.
Grief hit me hard when I turned 22 and had my own child.
I miss my mother.
Things like this hit a little harder when you have your own children.
It became even more so depressing after I got divorced because now, I was alone and not celebrating anything.
So what do we do?
Avoid the holidays
Decline invitations
Drink by yourself
Isolate
This is a road that will not end well.
I can tell you what you should not do - just based on my own past experiences. But what I decided to do was to create our own traditions.
Create your own way...
While the whole Christmas tree, Santa, and caroling are not on my list -
Food, gifts, and binge-watching marathons are
One Christmas it was Harry Potter and all 8 movies.
One Christmas it was Hunter X Hunter Anime (don’t judge - I am a nerd).
Online can be challenging but join groups that have similar interests -
trust me there is a group for everyone...
for all of the Who-Ville Americana I love Christmas soccer moms on FB and IG
there are at least 5 - I’d rather be celebrating Halloween instead mamas
Do I hate Christmas - no
Does it trigger unwanted emotions for me - yes
So what can I do about that?
Acknowledge the feeling
Honor it because it is a part of you
Cry if you need too
Be angry if you need too
And THEN find something that makes you happy and SHIFT…
Put on a song, watch your favorite movie, go online to that one group that always has the funny memes, but do something to shift your mood.
And if you can’t find your way, call a friend.
Or you can always call your coach - TheDJDime
I see you and I honor your space… you are always safe with me...
If your thoughts ever become so intrusive that you are contemplating suicide please contact the National Suidcide Hotline Call 1-800-273-8255 or their online chat at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/