Okay I lied - it is
and let me tell you
I get really annoyed when I look at cancer memes.
Why are we always portrayed as crying babies?
Cancers are the mothers of the zodiac but does that really make us cry babies.
I think not.
I specifically have two cancer friends in particular who I know for sure if you see them cry you need to clear the room because hell is about to be unleashed…
This is where I stand
It takes a lot to get me crying (well mainly alcohol)
for the most part, you will almost never know when you have offended me or hurt my feelings because we hold that shit.
And no, it is not okay but it is who we learned to be.
My mother's death changed everything for me -
I had to learn how to develop a thick armor because the truth of the matter is everyone else has their own shit going on.
After my mother's death, my father had to hustle. My mother was a nurse and the bulk of income received in the house came from her paycheck. This means my father would go to work before the sun came up and come home as the sunsets.
Life was not the same
I could have remained the crying little girl that got her feelings hurt by life
But
It was boring
And if you read my blog you know that it is not my thing
Crying doesn’t solve anything
I am a Queen Crab MFing Cancer
We are allowed 5 minutes to cry and then suck it up and be gangster
So now I am a grown up and analyzing my life
And the people that I have manifested into my life and it struck me really hard
why in the hell do I have so many freaking gemini friends
And I mean good ass - sister - down ass friends..
I don’t like Geminis
My daughter is a Gemini and…
I mean Geminis, in general, tend to drive me crazy but MANY of my good friends are Geminis.
I met one of my best friends trying to fight me at church
no that was not a typo.
I met Lashona L.Hickmon when she was trying to start a fight with me at church.
I was 5’7 over 200 lbs but no I couldn’t fight.
I went to catholic school where I was picked on often.
Once I guess she realized that I really could not fight I was just big - she dropped it and told me that we were now friends.
I think she took pity on me.
Books were my friends
that is not good or bad it just was...
But with Shona, I finally found a niche - found some friends who loved me for the space I held.
I still don’t think there is anything special about me.
Often I found myself wishing to be the funny one, or the cute one or hell the skinny one.
I felt like I just held space which I was happy to do.
The one thing that I learned from hanging with Lashona and her family was love.
Don’t get me wrong my father and mother loved me. But their love was reserved and proper. I had to sneak into the kitchen one valentine’s day just to see them kiss.
Where I was promptly sent to my room.
After my mom died, my father and I barely talked.
I was angry at the world and needed someone to blame - so conveniently it was him.
I kept getting into trouble and he didn’t know what to do.
In hindsight, I think Ms Mabel took me in because I had nowhere else to be.
Having Lashona as my friend changed the way I viewed families forever.
My family was loving, quiet and sweet.
The Hickmon family was a little different.
First of all, Lashona had 2 sisters.
I was an only child. While there was an occasional boundary issue between the girls, there was never anything really ugly that I could remember.
And John and Mable, they were always joking, touching, hugging and kissing. I even caught an argument or two which again always ended in Daddy John snuggling up to Momma Mabel. She would giggle and it was over - just like that. I am sure there were things that I missed but I loved that family.
They were loud, crazy and fun. And I was given no special treatment, make no mistake. When Shona got into trouble, so did I. I had my first taste of alcohol at Shona’s house (Sorry Momma Mabel) and cried over my first heartbreak in her arms. I ended up transferring to her school and she included me in her friend circle without missing a beat and dared someone to say something. She was absolutely my best friend.
This freaking Gemini Queen and her family was probably what saved me from becoming a total basket case as a teen.
After high school, I planned to go to the military and she was going to stay in Tulsa and go to college.
Yes, she and I grew up and grew apart.
When I got back to Tulsa with my new baby in tow - it changed things
Our outlooks were different
and it made me sad
I loved her - would do anything for her but our lives were so...
separate…
She understood
She gave me the most liberating gift I have ever gotten from a friend and I think it was her Freaking Gemini nature…
She knew that we were on different paths but she knew that there was an unspoken bond that will always be there between us. So she let me know that it was okay.
I am still dream chasing - and she will always be my bestie.
No love lost
No expectations
But our connection remains real.
And that is why she is always my Gemini queen and apparently why I continue to attract these wonderfully complex but frustrating Geminis into my life…
So what is this to say - it is to say that I am a cancer surrounded by Aries and Geminis and it doesn't make sense but it really does - don't just ignore someone on that I am a (whatever) and we are not compatible.
v i b e
your tribe will find you....
